Home

It is currently 10:13pm, on a Sunday night, the kids have gone off to bed, Z has retired to his game room, and here I am, finally getting to eat tonight's dinner. Z made a delicious spaghetti bolognese, and I thoroughly enjoyed a cooking free night.

As I look around my house, everything in place, clean, in order, I can't help but find myself wondering when it will begin turning into home.

That four letter word..so meaningful, yet causes me to really start thinking. Call it a late night existential crisis, but I find myself furiously typing away trying to find the right words to express Home. 

In the Military, the famous saying is "Home is where the Military sends you", but I haven't exactly felt that way. We have been at two bases so far, Andersen, didn't feel like home, it felt like a pit stop, a place we laid our heads till we came home. I kept waiting for that to change, waiting for the magical "Home" feeling. Sadly it never came. In Louisiana we have been here for a year already, and the moment our feet touched the soil here, it felt different. The people, the places the overwhelming comfort of this place, made me feel like maybe, just maybe we would find our "home".

There are moments, glimpses into that feeling for me, for Z it is "home", but I can't get New York out of my head or my heart. New York born and raised, the love I have for it, is still strong after nearly three years of living away from it. My family is there, and what felt like the life that I had formed my identity around, is still hustling and bustling among the streets of Long Island. 

My Family, Z's Family, they have missed our wedding, the birth of our first son, birthdays, and holidays, in the sense of being physically absent. We were lucky enough that Grandma A was here to help me in my last days of Baby G's pregnancy and welcomed him into the world with us. There was nothing more special then having family here for that moment. Which has made me understand how much I long to be surrounded by family again. My sister, lives in New York with her husband and daughter, who is only a few months younger then L, and as much as I talk to her, it will never be the same as being able to sit in her living room and watch our kids play together.

To be able to have my children form a stronger bond with my parents, play with their adventurous Pop, and get attacked with kisses by their Aunt K, is everything I ever wanted. 

Unfortunately that isn't the life we lead, We have Skype based relationships, and are blessed when Z's family can travel to see us. We save the big moments now for when we can make it back to New York, like to baptize the kids, or to finally have that reception we have been planning. Not to say that I don't appreciate the love and support our long distance family relationships provide, but I can honestly say I miss the face to face interaction. 

All and All, I enjoy the life we have, I love the man, and the children I was blessed with. I just can't help my heart wanting more, more of our family, more of our New York. 

So I will make the best of things, continue to work on this house, and my heart until I finally feel home. 

-S

Lunch break

If any of my Readers are anything like I am, Food is a bit of a passion for you. Little Known Fact about me, I actually went to Culinary school, which is where I met my husband.

I haven't had all the time in the world recently to cook, but I have started making huge changes to the meals I do make. My husband and I have cut out soda, sweet drinks, and over all junk food.

Don't let anyone tell you it isn't hard, because it is, the beast inside me wants to tear into a bag of Oreos, while stuffing my face with pizza flavored Pringles and then wash it all down with a Coke. In a perfect world where hostess snacks and pizza makes you look like a super model, I would gleefully indulge.

Alas the world isn't perfect like that, so I have to watch what I eat, not only for myself, but for my family (and of course my good ole breast milk.). It's really not the easiest thing to be healthy, it's expensive and most of all it requires a lot of effort. Like all things in life though, if its hard to do, it's usually worth it.

So here I am eating a Turkey club wrap (lettuce, cucumbers, cilantro, colby-pepper jack cheese, onions, turkey bacon and lite ranch on a jalapeno cheddar wrap) with a side of bagel chips and hummus. Drool worthy picture to follow

 Trying very hard to make better decisions for myself and my family, and I have to say, after seeing how I look now, compared to before baby G, I am pretty happy. Before Baby G I was a size 18 and very un-happy. Now after Baby G I am a size 13 thanks to a better diet, daily light walks with my toddler, and breastfeeding. Overall it's been worth it. so if any of my Readers are on a weight loss journey like I am, all I have to say is, You can do it, it's going to be hard and you have to accept that, you can have cheat days, it helps keep you sane! You are strong enough to change your body, and your way of thinking! I believe in you!

                                             5/13 - 179 pounds

We can do this

-S

Boob Talk.

For most breastfeeding Mothers, a constant worry is your supply. Am I making enough?, am I making good milk? is my baby latched on properly?.

This goes on every time you feed. You're worried, you want to do the best thing you can for your baby. You want your baby to have the best milk  he/she can.

You research everything, ask other Mothers, invest in a very expensive breast pump that you are having a hard time using. Yet nothing seems to be helping your supply, and the very last thing you want it to go to the store and buy formula.

Well Consider Mrs. Patel your very own Fairy Godmother. She is going to boost your supply like no other could.

And It's going to taste delicious.

Here's What I did. I scrolled my happy self on over to mrsmilk.com and ordered myself a nursing package. I chose the Chocolate Fenugreek Bars, and Chai Spice Milk Tea. Placed my order on a Tuesday and received it that very Thursday!

Here what it looked like when I opened the package,

I couldn't wait to try it, I immediately opened the tea, a brewed myself a nice hot cup to enjoy while I let the fenugreek bars chill in the fridge.  I waited for about an hour then I put Baby G on my breast, and it was like magic. He sat there happy as could be just suckling away, occasionally coming off to finish swallowing. I couldn't believe it! Normally he take a while to feed because my milk supply was lower. It took thirty minutes on both sides, and Baby G was happily milk drunk.                                          

The next Morning I made myself some breakfast and grabbed a Fenuegreek Bar, As a Choco-holic, I was very much excited, it was like having dessert with breakfast! Who wouldn't love that?                   

One Magic Little Bar was all I needed, It was delicious, a phenomenal blend of Indian spices and the all powerful Fenugreek. Within an hour of eating it, I had fed Baby G again, and had to pump because my breast were so full! I pumped out 3 ounces on each side! Which was amazing seeing as I literally fed Baby G into a milk coma.                                                                                                    

I will most DEFINITELY be ordering again! And for those of you who want to try these amazing little miracle workers, use the code "FIRSTORDER" for 20% off your order! You will be so happy with the result, and so will your little one!                                                                                             

To learn More or order Please go to Mrs Patel's Website.

-S

Beauty

As a busy Mom, I find it hard to slip away and put myself together. So most days I look like an extra on the walking dead. I've accepted that. I've named it "Zombie Chic".

As life usually has it, I always run into people I know. That's how the universe works, whenever you just throw on some sweats and head to the super market, at least three people you know will magically be there. Like you don't have enough to worry about just trying to get your toddler to keep on his pants, and socks...and shoes..., and your newborn just wants to spit up and poop all over everything you put them in.

At that point I'm lucky I remembered to wear shoes.

That's life with kids. I think I may have figured it out. I now have a fool proof plan.

Step 1: Feed both kids
Step 2: Clean up after both kids
Step 3: Dress both kids
Step 4: Put on a Movie
Step 5: Forget what you had to do and watch movie
Step 6: Remember and try to sneak away
Step 7: It didn't work, and you should really put your kids down for naps before braving the supermarket
Step 8: Fall asleep with the kids.
Step 9: begin steps 1-5 over again.


Sometimes though, the cosmos will align in the most perfect way and you have just enough time to slap some makeup on your face, run a brush through your hair and grab on some clean non-spit up covered clothes.

Yesterday I had one of those moments, It was glorious, But like all shooting stars I will once again have to wait another hundred years to see it again.

I have documented the evidence to share with my readers. Brace yourself for a very rare glimpse of pulled together Sabrina.

-S

Late to the party,

To all my Reader who are Mothers, and Grandmothers, I salute you!

This is a few days late but hey isn't it the thought that counts?

Motherhood, the greatest adventure of a women's life, the most trans-formative journey in life. Nothing prepares you for Motherhood. You can read all the books, ask every question you can think of, practice with other people's children, research and more. Trust me, not much of it actually helps...OK well some of it does.

It's a journey, a long, sometimes tiring but the most fulfilling journey you could ever be on. Nothing in the world is more pure than that of a Mother's love. The overwhelming amount of joy you feel when you see your baby's face for the first time it's priceless. Then you get to watch them grow, see the world through their eyes as they discover everything for the first time. Cry like a baby when they start hitting their milestones. Sob in the ugliest of ways when they say "Momma" for the very first time.

Believe me there was nothing pretty about the way I cried when Liam said "Momma", I'm talking mascara running, joker face (not to mention the crazy bedhead I was sporting that day).

It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but even on the craziest, tantrum type days, the second your kids go to bed, you find yourself missing them TERRIBLY.

I never knew what it really meant to love someone until the day I looked at my children for the very first time. I never knew I could love someone so much, but I do. Every day even through some of the harder times that come with raising children, I couldn't imagine a better way to spend my life, than to be a Mother.
                                               

                                                     Liam - 2013

Gavin - 2015

With That in being said, Happy Mother's day !


-S

On Our Way

Hello to all my Beautiful Readers

Today is Thursday May 7th, I am Seven Weeks Postpartum, and Trying to find my way back to my body before baby.

I was never thin, I always had curves, and I am OK with that, but after having Baby G, my curves don't seem to be as beautiful as they were before. My shape feels weird and uncomfortable.

Overall I am just uncomfortable, in my own skin. Pregnancy is a beautiful time when people look at you and rejoice in your belly getting bigger, but after that, no one is celebrating the fact that your belly hasn't gone away yet. IN  fact in my experience, they tell you how you can loose weight after baby, how easy it is going to be, how you are going to feel like yourself again.

News Flash, I don't feel like myself, and I don't fit into my clothes from before baby. They say becoming a new mom, you feel beautiful, you look radiant and you have a glow. Tell that to my mirror. All I seem to see is a extremely tired Sabrina, that needs to shed some serious pounds.

It may sound like I have low self esteem, and a bad body image. In reality there was always parts of my body I was insecure about, but after you have your baby, you just don't have the same amount of confidence as you did before. You see your body change to accommodate your growing little miracle, and you embrace every curve and pound, because it's the only "socially" acceptable time to gain weight. Which in my very humble opinion is BULLSH*IT (pardon the profanity).

My body has changed so much in the past three years, after all I've had two children. I have more stretch marks then I can count, I have a baby "pouch", my breast are larger and gravity is taking it's toll, my eyesight has changed after each kid, and so had my shoe size.

That's only the physical, the biggest change has been mental. I've grown up, I learned what it truly meant to be responsible, what it means to love unconditionally. I have learned that becoming a Mother had made me a better version of myself, has made me want to be the best role model ever for my kids.

So yes right now, I have to figure out who I am again, I have to re-learn how my body works, and accept that I will be uncomfortable for a while, until both my body and my hormones start leveling out. And that it is completely and utterly OK to feel the way I do. The hardest part is feeling the need to be thinner, or to loose all of the baby weight, right after delivery. That's just not going to happen, and unlike most celebrities, (whose bodies after baby always seem to look amazing) I don't have the time or the funds to dedicate in the gym or on products to help me loose weight.

All I can do, is eat a healthy and balanced diet (which I need to do anyway for my breastmilk), continue to enjoy my evening walks with both my boys, and embrace running around after my very hyper toddler. All I can do is accept myself for the way I am, and not reminisce about what my body used to be like or feel pressure about what it should be like.

                          Pregnant with Baby G

After Baby G

-S

The Inevitable

Today is the day, The day that happens no matter how you try to prevent it. The day when all of the items on your To-Do list get pushed to the side and never accomplished.

The Day your Newborn Doesn't want to stop crying.

You've feed him, burped him, bathed him, rocked him, tried the "Happiest Baby on the Block" technique, swaddled him and used your God send of a carrier. And if your ErgoBaby Carrier couldn't fix it, you know nothing will.

Today is that day for me. Going on about 4 hours of sleep, caffeine running through my veins where blood is supposed to be at this point, and I don't know how I have the energy to even do  activities with my 21 month old.

Scratch that. I don't, I don't have the energy for this.

Then like the sky opening up after a storm, Baby G has fallen asleep, and Liam has decided he wants to nap.

Like a skilled ninja, I quickly slip out of the room and head to the couch to get just a few moments of what I call "Mommy Zen Time".

I take this moment to try and understand as to why Baby G is crying out today. Most pediatricians, will tell you to just put your baby down in a safe area, then walk away and take a moment to relax if you feel overwhelmed, Which is always much easier to say then it is to do. Baby G was a preemie, He was born 6 1/2 weeks early. I have seen him fight for his life in a NICU, hooked up to all kinds of wires and having tubes for different things, So the last thing I want is to hear him cry and not be able to help him.

Having a NICU baby makes you feel helpless, I couldn't hold him, breastfeed him, or even touch him for a week after I gave birth to him. That being said, the need to make him feel better, to be there for him, is heightened.

After about five minutes I have finally fully regaining my mental status, I had a quick snack of crunchy peanut butter on a rice cake, had a tall glass of ice water, and feel much more confident in the way the rest of my day is going to go.

I've accepted that the house might stay a bit messy tonight, and I will probably order in some food tonight and try and relax whenever I get the opportunity. After all, no one has perfect days with Two kids under two. I accept that, and I also understand that just because I feel overwhelmed and stressed by both of my little guys, it doesn't mean I am a bad mom. Being a good mom is knowing your limits and knowing when to ask for help, even learning how to go and take a breather or find a zen space in your mind for when you inevitably hit a mental wall with your children.

Baby G and Liam have given me enough time to find my center. We all made it through another day. It will get easier over time, it will be ok, and everything will fall into place. We will get there and we will do it together.

If you want any information click Here

-S