The Inevitable

Today is the day, The day that happens no matter how you try to prevent it. The day when all of the items on your To-Do list get pushed to the side and never accomplished.

The Day your Newborn Doesn't want to stop crying.

You've feed him, burped him, bathed him, rocked him, tried the "Happiest Baby on the Block" technique, swaddled him and used your God send of a carrier. And if your ErgoBaby Carrier couldn't fix it, you know nothing will.

Today is that day for me. Going on about 4 hours of sleep, caffeine running through my veins where blood is supposed to be at this point, and I don't know how I have the energy to even do  activities with my 21 month old.

Scratch that. I don't, I don't have the energy for this.

Then like the sky opening up after a storm, Baby G has fallen asleep, and Liam has decided he wants to nap.

Like a skilled ninja, I quickly slip out of the room and head to the couch to get just a few moments of what I call "Mommy Zen Time".

I take this moment to try and understand as to why Baby G is crying out today. Most pediatricians, will tell you to just put your baby down in a safe area, then walk away and take a moment to relax if you feel overwhelmed, Which is always much easier to say then it is to do. Baby G was a preemie, He was born 6 1/2 weeks early. I have seen him fight for his life in a NICU, hooked up to all kinds of wires and having tubes for different things, So the last thing I want is to hear him cry and not be able to help him.

Having a NICU baby makes you feel helpless, I couldn't hold him, breastfeed him, or even touch him for a week after I gave birth to him. That being said, the need to make him feel better, to be there for him, is heightened.

After about five minutes I have finally fully regaining my mental status, I had a quick snack of crunchy peanut butter on a rice cake, had a tall glass of ice water, and feel much more confident in the way the rest of my day is going to go.

I've accepted that the house might stay a bit messy tonight, and I will probably order in some food tonight and try and relax whenever I get the opportunity. After all, no one has perfect days with Two kids under two. I accept that, and I also understand that just because I feel overwhelmed and stressed by both of my little guys, it doesn't mean I am a bad mom. Being a good mom is knowing your limits and knowing when to ask for help, even learning how to go and take a breather or find a zen space in your mind for when you inevitably hit a mental wall with your children.

Baby G and Liam have given me enough time to find my center. We all made it through another day. It will get easier over time, it will be ok, and everything will fall into place. We will get there and we will do it together.

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-S